Finger thump to the head

It was a deplorable day at work. Actually this year has been extremely stressful and has on more than one occasion caused myself to question my career choice, but today was the proverbial icing on the cake.

I arrived at work at 8am and by 8:15am things began splintering. At 1pm it went from bad to horrendous by 4:55pm when I was calling my wife to tell her I had to work late it was pathetically atrocious and I was downright ticked off. It showed. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so it becomes quickly apparent what my current mood is. By 7:30pm after closing down my computer, the waters were chummed and I was in a verbal feeding frenzy. I mustered up one final semi smile and headed out the door. On my way home, alone in my car, out of ear shot, I was on the assault thinking all kinds of terrible things, laying to waste all the offenders from the last 10 hours of the design sweatshop, things I dare not repeat here. If my wife would have seen my face she would have grabbed the kids and ran out the door.

Then the finger thump to the head…

I caught myself going down this wicked path saying things I’d never say in front of my father, pastor or most importantly Jesus, but in the privacy of my car, with no one within miles I felt the prick in the heart. I quickly forgot that God is omnipresent, meaning He is everywhere. Even on the back roads of south Georgia.

The heart

Ten days ago, I began reading 5 chapters a day with the end goal of reading the New Testament in 52 days. See this post. The Holy Spirit began convicting me with the Word. While reading several verses on the fruit of the Spirit and the heart have really stuck out and I know that this is an area in my life that God is working on. I know this because I’ve asked Him to reveal the things of my heart so that I can cleanse it and remove the evils of the flesh and fill it with the good of the Spirit.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”"
(Mark 12:30 NIV)

“But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this defiles a man. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual immoralities, thefts, false testimonies, blasphemies.”
(Matthew 15:18-19 HCSB)

“Brood of vipers! How can you speak good things when you are evil? For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.”
(Matthew 12:34 HCSB)

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
(Luke 6:45 NIV)

This last verse I had just read last night. The thump to the head was less painful than the awareness of the evil in my own heart as I brooded over my frustrations. Ouch.

The failed test

“I also thought, “As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:18 NIV)

“but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”
(1Thessalonians 2:4 ESVS)

“Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;”
(Psalms 26:2 NIV)

This is the wonderful thing about reading God’s Word. His conviction. Conviction is a sometimes painful but loving reminder from the Holy Spirit that God loves me even with all my baggage considers me His son. God disciplines us out of Love.

“because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”"
(Hebrews 12:6 NIV)

“And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
“My son, do not make light of the Lord”s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”"
(Hebrews 12:5-6 NIV)

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
(Hebrews 12:7-11 NIV)

“Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.”
(Revelation 3:19 ESVS)

I give thanks to God for His discipline and pricks of the heart because it is a reminder that in all my failures He still loves me like a son and that is the single greatest feeling in this world.